I'm feeling a little sorry for myself....

Well, I shouldn't say that I'm feeling sorry for myself......I'm feeling sorry for my poor sweet Abby. She sick....again. I'm not over her last sickness yet. It's still in the very front of my mind. I still worry about her breathing at night. I still have to check on her a thousand times while she sleeps, feeling her tiny belly to make sure it's still moving up and down. I can still hear her saying "Ma ma ma ma ma" as the nurses and doctors ran tests. Two weeks in two different hospitals. An ambulance ride. A very blue baby. A surgery.....maybe a few more. Lots of tests. Lots of doctors. Even more prayers. And many miracles. It tends to stick with you for awhile. We have tried so hard to keep her away from any kind of sickness....and I think we've done pretty good.....until this one snuck up on us.

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The doctor kept telling me that it's nothing I've done. It's nothing I could've prevented. As a mother....you don't really believe that. Abby has had a fever for the last 5 days. The poor girl has been miserable. We figured it was either a flu bug or an ear infection. We weren't that worried about it. Her breathing was great, so we relaxed a little. I figured I'd just run her up to the clinic to get her ears checked, get some meds, and be on my way. Quick and painless trip. Well, her ears checked out fine. Her lungs sound great. She's getting 4 teeth. I kept thinking "Okay...easy. I can handle this. But why the fever?" The doctor decided to check her urine for a UTI. I really didn't think it was necessary....babies don't get those....right? Well, her urine looked awful. Plum full of infection and grossness. He's even sending it out for more tests. "Okay....get her on some meds and lets get rid of this." My mind kind of shut off the minute he said "kidney or bladder abnormalities, more testing, possibility of surgery, and Primary Children's." I'm sure he saw the glazed look in my eyes.

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I need to keep telling myself not to get too worked up about all of this until we actually know if there's a problem. But it's my sweet baby, who's already been through so much in her short 1 year of life. I need to keep telling myself that she won't remember any of this when she's older. I need to keep telling myself that Heavenly Father has a plan for her. I need to keep telling myself that we have a wonderful doctor who is just covering all the bases so we don't have any future problems. It's just scary, ya know?