Lately I haven’t been sleeping very much. Could it be the daily dose of Mountain Dew? I’m not sure, but that’s not something I’m willing to give up right now. It seems as though I go through spurts of way to much thinking and not enough sleeping. Maybe if I can ramble through my mindless, pointless thoughts, sleep will eventually come. So, bear with me, okay?
I am obsessed with disasters. You know earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, ice storms, blizzards, ect. I lay awake wondering what I would do if one of those things were to happen. What would I grab? Where would I go? I almost wish something like that would happen around here…Idaho is a very boring place, weather wise. I’m not saying that I want a terrible disaster that takes lives and destroys everything…just a little excitement.
I have really been thinking a lot about food storage and being prepared…could it be because of my obsession with terrible things happening, I don’t know. I like to think it’s because I’m trying to do what we’ve been counseled, but I’m sure it’s because I’ve gotten myself so worked up over what could happen. I’ve decided that a little excitement in the weather department wouldn’t be very much fun if we didn’t have food, water, and the ever important Mountain Dew.
Have you noticed that I love Mountain Dew? I know I shouldn’t drink it because of the whole caffeine thing and the being bad for your teeth stuff, and all the other things smart people say, but I just can’t help myself…I NEED it! Some call it an addiction, I call it my guilty pleasure. I was doing really good about staying away from my friend, until I had Emily, and then the utter and total exhaustion became more than I could bear. Let’s just say the greenish, yellowish yummy-ness helps me. Throw in a bag of peanut M&M's and that makes for a great day! Do I sound like a druggie?
I also lay awake at night worrying about having more kids. This may sound dumb to some, but I feel guilty for wanting more children. There was a time, not too long ago, when I prayed with all I had to just be able to have one child. Well, we were blessed to have Emily, so now I feel a little greedy for going back to Heavenly Father and asking for more, when He’s given me all I’ve ever wanted. I know that asking our Heavenly Father for more children isn’t really being greedy, but that's just how I feel sometimes. But, on the other hand, I worry about Emily being an only child. I want her to have brothers and sisters to grow up with.
Geoff is such a great husband! He works so hard so I can stay home with Emily. Not only does he tell me that he loves me, he shows me, too. He’s always willing to help out around the house or with Emily. I don’t think he realizes how much I appreciate that. I need to be better about telling him thank you and letting him know how much I love him. He has so many talents and I really hope Emily turns out more like him than me. I often wonder why he chose boring me...but I sure am grateful that he did!
I’ve noticed that I really like to take notes on things. I have so many notebooks filled with notes. Notes about scrapbooking, notes about food storage, quotes, stories, thoughts, recipes, ideas, cleaning tips, just to name a few. The only problem is, I take all these notes but I don’t do anything about all the stuff I’ve learned or want to remember. I guess I’m saving all of this information for the blizzard that traps me in my home for weeks…maybe then I’ll do something about all of it.
I love scrapbooking! The only problem is that I’m not very good at it. Well, I think I do okay, but they never turn out all fancy like they should. I’m not very bold…it really makes me nervous to cut my pictures or punch holes…you know, anything permanent. Plus, I don't want it to look dated and stupid in 10 years. I have these cute papers and ribbons, but I just save them and use all the boring safe stuff.
I think my daughter is so beautiful! I love to just sit and look at her and I’m amazed at how pretty she is. I have no idea where she got her looks…(I know you other mothers out there think your children are the most beautiful, but have seen my Emily? HELLO!!)
I really have been letting people get to me. Whenever I get my feelings hurt, it’s all I can think about. I replay in my mind over and over what I would say to that person if I had the chance. I think this has become my main obsession lately. This is really the source of my sleeplessness. It’s my fault, I know. I also know that allowing your feelings to get hurt is your own choice, but that’s easier said than done sometimes. I'm not very good about letting things "roll off my back".
Well, thank you for allowing me to ramble to all of you. Hopefully this will ease my mind a bit…I’ve got a lot more stuff rolling around in that head of mine. I’m sure there will be a Rambles #2 soon.
So, what do you think about? What keeps you up at night?
